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- Tom Mazawey (@TomMazawey) & Marc Fellhauer (@MarcFell) are here today!
- No one watched the Emmys, Julie Chen Moonves leaves the Talk, President Trump’s wiener, Vinnie from Sponge calls in, the “Billion Dollar Whale”, Bert & Ernie are getting it on and Maz has his first drink in 33 years.
- Julie Chen Moonves has preemptively blown herself out of The Talk because she’s standing by her man.
- Our special studio guests have brought tons of candy & shots to try to break Maz’s dry streak, Maz reluctantly sips a shot of Crown Royal.
- Emmys Recap: The Emmys had a record low audience last night & Maz couldn’t be more thrilled for some reason. We go over some of the winners & snubs of the night. The band should’ve played Betty White off the stage. Maz thinks all little people look alike as he confuses Peter Dinklage with dead Verne Troyer. Darren Criss gave the best award speech ending of all time.
- Jackie Kennedy & Lee Radziwill were bitter enemies that competed for dudes.
- A 10 city strike of McDonald’s workers is underway after multiple workplace #MeToo claims were made.
- Bert & Ernie decided to come out of the closet, but Sesame Street is still trying to hide their love & saying their neutral. Miss Piggy still is #MeTooing Kermit.
- 47 minutes into the show Maz has finished his first shot in 33 years.
- Maz has been accused of misremembering an episode of Seinfeld but he does an excellent job of retelling another episode involving George’s secret code, Bosco.
- The New York Times got had to issue a correction after mistakenly using Angela Bassett as a ‘blacksimilie’ of Omarosa Manigault Newman.
- Stormy Daniels’ new book describes Trump’s penis as having an unusually proportioned mushroom head with lots of pubes.
- Mark Judge who broke up the alleged Brett Kavanaugh assault is declining to testify at the Senate hearing with the accuser.
- In what may be our most unprepared interview ever we give Vinnie Dombroski from Sponge a call to promote Rockin’ the Shores.
- Inspired by the PhD that ragged Qantas for not recognizing her title of doctor, Captain Scion Drew B.A. has decided that he will be adding titles to his name.
- Maz ordered Hungry Howie’s & claimed we were shorted some food. However, there seems to be an incorrect correction.
- Elon Musk has finally been sued by ‘pedo guy’ for calling him pedo guy.
- The first Moon tourist Yusaku Maezawa has dropped some serious stacks for the privilege to ride on one of SpaceX’s rockets. Drew doesn’t want to go to the moon.
- Low Taek Jho aka “Billion Dollar Whale” was a balling billionaire that embezzled funds to the tune of $5B+. Some members of Hollywood were his friend… as long as he was paying them.
- Maz has been rehired as a Detroit Free Press Marathon countdown announcer despite his shaky past performance.
- Today in rock to include: 68′ The Beatles recorded Birthday, 70′ Jimi Hendrix dies, 71′ The Who #1 with Who’s Next, 76′ Wild Cherry #1 with Play That Funky Music, 83′ KISS showed up on TV for the first time, 04′ Britney married K Fed, 06′ Willie Nelson got busted for shrooms & weed, 69′ CCR #1 with Bad Moon Rising, 70′ Diana Ross #1 with Ain’t No Mountain High Enough, 79′ The No Nukes concert was held in Madison Square Garden.
- Soon-Yi has turned against Mia Farrow & is defending Woody Allen against allegations of sexual abuse.
