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- BranDon (@Pro_Duecer) and Marc Fellhauer (@MarcFell) are here today!
- Coronavirus shuts down sports & schools & Tom Hanks, Harvey Weinstein fakes another illness, a talk with Jonah Falcon about COVID-19 in NYC, Corey Feldman’s movie premier disaster and Maz tells us how to do a sports show without any sports.
- BranDon brought crust-less Pop Tarts to show how they are much more enjoyable.
- Coronavirus Mania: Utah Jazz All-Star Rudy Gobert tested positive for Coronavirus & the NBA is now suspended until further notice. He was just at LCA this past Saturday causing players and others to self quarantine.
- Tom Hanks & his wife Rita Wilson have the Coronavirus. Their shirtless son Chet Haze is their official spokesman.
- The NCAA finally cancelled all winter and spring sports.
- Harvey Weinstein is back in the hospital taking up a bed that could be used for a COVID-19 patient.
- Kate Beckinsale checked in on Harvey Weinstein to share a story about Harvey being a dick instead of using one.
- Breaking CBNN: There’s speculation that Trudi has Coronavirus. Rudy Gobert released a statement apologizing to the people he endangered by spreading his Coronavirus all over the court. Disneyland is closed, but Disney World is holding strong.
- BranDon raided Drew’s 7-11 for it’s entire supply of toilet paper.
- Duke & Kansas cancelled themselves from March Madness before the NCAA was able to react.
- We call Maz to find out how he’s doing & see if he’s prepared for the Coronavirus.
- Ohio is shutting down schools & banning gatherings of 100 people or more because it’s apparently easier to get Coronavirus in Ohio than New York, California or Washington.
- Mark Cuban is looking to help hourly workers in his arena who are out of a job after the NBA’s decision to suspend the current season.
- President Trump enacted a travel ban during a sleepy Oval Office address to the country.
- An enterprising young kid was selling squirts of hand sanitizer to fellow students at school before ‘the man’ came in & shut him down.
- Joe Biden & Bernie Sanders made statements about how to deal with the Coronavirus & Biden’s plan involves FEMA building emergency hospitals.
- AT&T is going to stop throttling your data as a gesture of goodwill during the preeminent pandemic.
- Pornhub is helping to make the Italian quarantine easier by providing the entire country with premium to keep them busy.
- Cardi B is scared of the Coronavirus & considering moving to Antarctica.
- We talk to New York resident and owner of a 13″ penis Jonah Falcon to find out how the Coronavirus is affecting life in the city & see if he’ll stop enveloping doorknobs during these trying times.
- A third case of Coronavirus has been confirmed in Michigan.
- We leave a voicemail with Andy Dick to notify him about the Coronavirus & wish him well.
- Chelsea Manning attempted suicide while in prison, failed & has now been released by order of a judge.
- BranDon tries to rewrite history by stacking the Boner Line with the 30% of people from our Twitter poll that heard of the Thunderstruck drinking game. Call/text (209)-66-BONER if you’re part of the 70% that have no idea what he’s talking about.
- The XFL is not eXtreme enough to deal with the Coronavirus & is suspending operations indefinitely.
- Thankfully John McCain didn’t have to see Sarah Palin lip syncing to Baby Got Back on The Masked Singer.
- Take Your Poo to the Loo is India’s new hit tune that doubles as a PSA informing citizens that they need to crap in the toilet.
- Corey Feldman is the most high-maintenance filmmaker in the history of films & he did not disappoint during his live PPV My Truth: The Rape of Two Corey’s which was highly disappointing.
- The head of UM regent, Ron Weiser, has come forward to say he too was sexually assaulted by Dr. Anderson.
- The US conducted airstrikes against Iranian militia sites in Iraq.
