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- Tom Mazawey (@TomMazawey) & Marc Fellhauer (@MarcFell) are here today!
- Dr. Dao breaks his silence with us, a call to ‘Microsoft’ licensing, White Boy Rick is denied, Maz’s twitter responses, Hilaria Baldwin isn’t news, Engelbert Humperdinck gets heckled, Thomas Markle Jr’s house of skank and Tom fails his job interview with Drew.
- Maz is back & immediately drops a non-sequitur about being a crossing guard & other childhood memories.
- No one knows what garbage receptacle received Jim Nantz’s tie.
- Not a sports podcast, but there is a whole lot of college basketball to talk about & Marc makes multiple bets on soccer.
- Maz creates a lot of editing work for BranDon by going a nearly 5 minute shout-out session.
- Thomas Markle Jr. has some of his dad’s genes in him after he trashed his digs & turned it into a total house of skank.
- We missed the 20-year anniversary of Fabio being hit in the face by a bird while riding a rollercoaster by just 2 days.
- Mr. Hu Gepeniss’ computer BLOWS, so we give Windows a call to sort out some licensing issues & end up reaching a manager for the first time.
- Some unruly old bag got kicked out of an Englebert Humperdinck after exchanging quips with The Humper. We give the Count Basie Theatre a call to get more details but everybody seems to be out for a 4-hour lunch.
- Despite huffing hair & giving his share of Biden kisses, former Vice President Joe Biden is still leading the Dems in the polls.
- Maz attempts to pitch Drew some ideas for a pilot episode of an upcoming show on the Red Shovel Network, but turns out he wasn’t ready for the meeting he requested.
- Accused pedophile & sexual offender R. Kelly showed up late to his gig at the Dirty South Lounge in Springfield, Illinois where he played Bump N’ Grind.
- Breaking News: White Boy Rick is denied clemency in Florida.
- Lori Loughlin & Felicity Huffman are potentially facing prison time for their part in the recent college bribery scandal.
- 2 years after he was Dr. Dao’d off a plane, Dr. Dao breaks his silence to let everyone know how he just cried about it. We get ahold of Dr. Dao to try to get more of the story, but he seems to still be crying.
- This Week In Soft Rock is in danger of being replaced by the newest segment, What Did Tom Tweet?
- Eight people have been arrested in connection to the kidnapping of an American tourist in Uganda. SIST: Hot people have hot friends.
- The Nipsey Hussle vigil broke out into a bit of a stampede after people got freaked about the number of guns in the crowd.
- Chris Darden is being accused of being an ‘Uncle Tom’ for prosecuting O.J Simpson & defending Nipsey Hussle’s killer, Eric Holder.
- #MUTEKodakBlack after the rapper tweeted out that he wanted to bang Nipsey Hussle’s widow Lauren London.
- Hilaria Baldwin is pretty sure that her current pregnancy isn’t going to stick. For some reason this has entered the news cycle.
- Chrissy Metz demonstrated her beatboxing skills on Jimmy Fallon, which some people are saying essentially amounted to her breathing heavily into a microphone.
- Baylor winning the NCAA Women’s basketball tournament is not the third most important story of the day no matter what GMA or Today want you to think.
- Maz defends Muffet McGraw’s statement that she will not be hiring any men to assist on Notre Dame’s women’s basketball team… until women coaching in the NFL is brought up.
- A New York playwright put out a casting call for a new joint he’s debuting, but part of the deal is that white actors get paid less & are required to attend racial sensitivity classes.
- Nikolas Cruz is spending his time in prison doodling love letters & fantasizing about fathering a brood of brats named after his favorite guns.
- Maz-sequitirs: Maz went to see Shazam! while he was on spring break and today is Dwyane Wade day so Maz has been recalling past D Wade commercials.